Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
