i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
