Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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