So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
