I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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