Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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