Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
