i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
