we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
