You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
