I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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