fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
