dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
