I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
