call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
