where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
