How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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