Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
