No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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