it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
