i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
