Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
