ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So squirting runs in the family.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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