Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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