White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
