I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
