I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
