Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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