My friends, they love my intelligence
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
