I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
