Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
