smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
