just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
