Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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