No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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