she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
