On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
