I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
