When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
