maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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