whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
