I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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