You're my little dorito
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
