New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
