drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
