Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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