Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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