did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
