just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
