so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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