Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
