you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
