I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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