i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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