Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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