Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
don't judge my taste in strippers
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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