this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
