we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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